Many conversations cantered around LGBTIQAP+ wellbeing focus on overt forms of discrimination obvious acts of prejudice, bullying, or exclusion directed toward LGBTIQA+ people. While these experiences absolutely matter, there is another form of harm that often goes unnoticed because it can appear subtle, indirect, or even “well intentioned.” These are known as microaggressions.
Microaggressions are everyday comments, assumptions, or behaviours that communicate bias, invalidate someone’s identity, or reinforce the idea that they are different or do not fully belong. Often, they are not intentionally malicious. However, the impact of microaggressions is not determined by intent alone. For many LGBTIQA+ people, these repeated experiences accumulate over time and can significantly affect emotional wellbeing and sense of safety.
Some common examples include:
- “You don’t look gay/trans.”
- “I don’t see gender.”
- Assuming everyone is heterosexual or cisgender.
- Asking invasive questions about someone’s body or identity.
- Referring to queer identities as “just a phase.”
- Using the wrong pronouns after being corrected.
- Treating inclusion as unnecessary because “everyone struggles.”
Individually, these moments may seem small to the person saying them. But for the person experiencing them, they can reinforce a painful message: that who they are is unusual, invalid, inconvenient, or unsafe to openly express.
Over time, this can create chronic stress and hypervigilance. Many LGBTIQA+ people describe constantly monitoring themselves wondering whether they are safe to be open, correcting assumptions in conversations, deciding whether it is worth speaking up, or preparing for awkward or invalidating responses. This ongoing emotional effort can contribute to anxiety, shame, exhaustion, social withdrawal, and difficulty feeling fully accepted in workplaces, schools, healthcare settings, and relationships.
Microaggressions can also occur environmentally. Forms that only allow “male” or “female,” workplaces without inclusive policies, lack of visible representation, or services that assume all families look the same can quietly communicate exclusion. These experiences matter because they shape whether someone feels safe, welcomed, and recognised.
IDAHOBIT is the International Day Against LGBTQIA+ Discrimination and an opportunity to reflect not only on overt discrimination, but also on the smaller everyday interactions that contribute to whether people feel respected and included.
Meaningful change often happens through small, intentional actions:
- respecting names and pronouns
- avoiding assumptions about gender or relationships
- listening openly when someone shares their experience
- acknowledging mistakes without becoming defensive
- challenging biased comments or jokes when they arise
- advocating for inclusive systems, policies, and language
Importantly, creating inclusive environments does not require perfection. Most people will make mistakes at times. What matters is the willingness to listen, learn, repair harm, and continue showing up with respect and curiosity.
Microaggressions are called “micro,” but their impact is not small. When repeated over months or years, they can deeply shape how safe someone feels in the world. Conversely, moments of affirmation, respect, and inclusion can also have a profound impact.
Inclusion is not only about avoiding harm it is about actively helping people feel seen, valued, and safe enough to fully be themselves.
At With Grace Therapy, we are committed to creating a safe, inclusive, and affirming environment where LGBTIQA+ individuals feel respected, welcomed, and supported to show up as their authentic selves without fear of judgement or discrimination.
